Day 361 – July 27, 2015

I’ve been reading/hearing/thinking a lot lately about the concept of finding your calling. In the mornings, I have been reading a devotional all about the topic, and it’s been very enlightening for me. When we think about finding our calling, it’s usually in relation to our work – if not our careers, then at the very least, the work that we put out into the world. What are we doing to do with our lives? Am I “called” to be a missionary in Africa? Am I “called” to work with children? Am I “called” to ride my bicycle from one coast to the other to raise money and awareness for…something? (Incidentally, I believe I’ve been called to one of the three. I’ll let you figure out which one. It’s tricky!)

Truthfully, we are called to honor God in every single thing we do. I honestly don’t have words to express how blessed I feel to get to work in the office I get to work in. Every single thing I do in my work day at the church office is centered around the advancement of God’s Kingdom. And yes, I believe the advancement of God’s Kingdom is my calling. But it is no more my calling than it is the calling of every believer. It is no more my calling now than it was when I was in banking. We have to pay the bills. And all sorts of jobs are important. We need people in every career, in every field.

But once in a while, it hits me. I am living the dream right now. I’m living my dream. If you had told me ten years ago (or, let’s face it, two) that I would be happier than I had ever been in my life, even though money is tight, even though the future is frighteningly uncertain, I would have thought you were crazy. But it’s true. And here’s what I’m figuring out: It’s not because I am working in the church office (though I do LOVE working in that office). It’s because I am following my calling. It’s my calling – my personalized calling, put together by God Himself. I truly believe that. The bigger calling, the one that all Christ-followers are called to – I need to do that anywhere and everywhere. But this specific, personalized calling is for right here, right now. God has given me certain gifts, and certain talents, and I have certain skills which I have built, strengthened, and developed through the years, in every situation I have found myself in. And all of that is coming together for this specific time of my life.

That’s all easy for me to admit. That’s not to say that the realization and awareness of that came easily, but I don’t have a difficult time professing all of that to be true. What I wrestle with, much more, is the realization and awareness that being an author is part of the specific, personalized calling, as well. And I think I understand why I have such difficulty, at least to some extent. If I say that I believe God is calling me to be an author, that implies that I believe I have something to say which is worth hearing. And that’s when my self-doubt kicks in. Also, it makes me think, “No, no, no…it couldn’t be that easy. I couldn’t actually get to achieve my dreams and do what I love to do. Life doesn’t work that way.” But here’s another thing I have to remember: NONE OF THIS IS EASY! “It couldn’t be that easy.” Well, it’s not. I work hard. When I write a novel (or even a blog post, in some cases) I do something that so many people have told me they could never do. And that blows my mind. Quite often my reply is, “Sure you could!” And I believe that when I say it. But the truth is…no. Not everyone can do it. But I can. And as hard as I work, and as much of myself as I give to it, I still feel as if it’s all coming along a little too easily.

Why? Not because I am any better than anyone else, certainly. Not because I’ve been handed a golden key to walk through a golden door. Not because I know the right people or say the right things. It’s because I’m using what God gave me, to do what I truly believe He wants me to do.

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