I wrote about this previously, but it feels worthy of mentioning again. There was a time when I would have been devastated at the thought of going home tomorrow. As it is, I’m sad. I have really had an amazing time and I really don’t want it to be over yet. But I am so ready to see Kelly and the boys. I am excited to get back to the office. I am missing my friends like crazy.
When Kelly and I got married, we made a deal. We would start out in Colorado, where he grew up and was already invested in a career, but soon we would move to Kentucky. We would be on the lookout, and we would spend at least three years living in Kentucky. That was our deal. So I didn’t unpack. I didn’t see the point. Cortez was a short-term stop, I knew. But life happened, and we needed to stay in Cortez a bit longer. Well, okay…I would at least get to fly home a couple of times a year. I could live with that. For a while. Before too long, I was pregnant, and then before too long we had a family and tons of bills and we were both working demanding jobs. Kelly stopped looking for jobs in Kentucky and I went through a period of time during which I struggled with a lot of resentment. I had given up everything for him, and I felt as if he had given up nothing.
Kelly and I have talked about all of this a million times, so it’s not as if he is going to learn from my blog that I was feeling this way.
But things are different now. Despite the fact that it was obvious that God wanted us in Colorado – for a million different reasons, it seemed – I never wanted to be there. Not for a long time. I mean, I made the most of it. I made friends, I became active in the community, I got involved. But I didn’t want to be there.
I love Kentucky. I love the southern charm and green grass and the sweet tea, and I love being back in a big city. I love spending time with my parents and my sister. I love being able to visit my grandmother. But I do miss Colorado. I miss the mountains and the dry air, and I miss only having to leave five minutes early to get anywhere in town on time. I miss my family and I miss my friends. My parents’ church is fantastic and I have genuinely enjoyed being able to attend for a couple of weeks, but I miss my home church. I love all of the fattening food I have been eating, and I don’t regret any of it, but I can’t tell you how many times I wished I could meet up with my girls at REFIT after eating all of that.
I want it all, but there is just no way for that to happen. So I’m just working as hard as I can to cherish every moment while I’m here, and then I’m going to do my best to cherish every moment when I get home.